Friday, December 2, 2011

One month

One month ago today, I had a miscarriage.  It's weird to think it's only been a month.  It's been such a huge part of my life, and front and center in my mind that it seems like it's always been there. 

I still have bad days.  And when I do, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I'm still having bad days.  I mean, come on!  It's been...oh wait.  It's only been a month.  I'm allowed to have bad days still.

Honestly, I really am mostly fine.  Most days, I'm back to "normal."  I'm apparently a lot stronger than I thought I was.  If you had asked me three months ago what my reaction would be if I ever miscarried, I would have told you I'd be a complete basket case and disappear into a black hole and never come out.  We want a baby so bad!  But that wasn't the case.  Sure, I toyed around with the black hole for a bit, but I didn't completely disappear. 

I have an amazing support system.  Between my family, friends and ladies on The Bump message boards, when I start to feeling blue, I can lean on any one of them, and they help me through it.

And my husband. I've been gushing about him recently, so you know how a bit about how hardcore awesome he is. He has been an absolute rock this month. He's there for me when I go all bat crap crazy, when I'm so sad all I can do is sit on the couch and stare into space, and when I start the upswing towards happy normal Ashley. And he never complains about my wonky emotional mood swings. He's LOL

Anyway, here's to taking it a month at a time.


  1. Hang in there Sister. I can tell you that the bad days will get fewer. But I can't tell you they will ever really go away. It has been almost 12 years since ours, and I still have bad days. You are doing great. Take all the time you need to grieve. I'd hug you, but you'd punch me. ;)

  2. Silly sister! I won't *punch* you. I'd just prefer you buy me something shiny instead. ;) LOL

  3. I'm not going to buy you anything shiny, but in 2 days I'm going to hug you! You're welcome to punch me if you want. I'll just be excited to see you!

    Love you sister. :)