One month ago today, I had a miscarriage. It's weird to think it's only been a month. It's been such a huge part of my life, and front and center in my mind that it seems like it's always been there.
I still have bad days. And when I do, I cannot for the life of me figure out why I'm still having bad days. I mean, come on! It's been...oh wait. It's only been a month. I'm allowed to have bad days still.
Honestly, I really am mostly fine. Most days, I'm back to "normal." I'm apparently a lot stronger than I thought I was. If you had asked me three months ago what my reaction would be if I ever miscarried, I would have told you I'd be a complete basket case and disappear into a black hole and never come out. We want a baby so bad! But that wasn't the case. Sure, I toyed around with the black hole for a bit, but I didn't completely disappear.
I have an amazing support system. Between my family, friends and ladies on The Bump message boards, when I start to feeling blue, I can lean on any one of them, and they help me through it.
And my husband. I've been gushing about him recently, so you know how a bit about how hardcore awesome he is. He has been an absolute rock this month. He's there for me when I go all bat crap crazy, when I'm so sad all I can do is sit on the couch and stare into space, and when I start the upswing towards happy normal Ashley. And he never complains about my wonky emotional mood swings. He's just...win. LOL
Anyway, here's to taking it a month at a time.