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I'm pretty blue the last couple of days.  Blue kinda sucks, actually.

It seems like some people expect me to be glitter farts and rainbows about this pregnancy.  Sorry guys, that ship sailed back in November.  Sure, I'm excited to be pregnant, but I also know that just because I'm pregnant today doesn't mean I will be next week.  Sure the odds of a m/c decrease every week, but they never hit zero.  Know why?  Crap happens.  So just because I don't squee every day about "zomg I'm totally decorating the nursery today!!!11" doesn't mean I'm not excited.  I just know that until I'm holding a healthy newborn in my arms, being pregnant is no guarantee.  I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

If you've looked at my pics on the other tab, you know I'm still a fat girl.  Not as fat as I used to be, but still fat.  I'm very proud of my progress so far.  However, since finding out I'm pregnant, I've allowed my eating habits to go back to the way they used to be.  Not proud of it, but there it is.  So, that means I've put on about 10 pounds since the beginning of February.  There was an off-hand innocent comment made the other day that really got to me.  I'm not going to go into detail, but it really depressed me about what I'm eating.  Which made me want to eat more because I have a screwed up relationship with food. LOL  I swear I am trying.  But when bleeding macaroni (elbow noodles and tomato sauce) with mozzarella cheese is the absolute only thing that sounds even remotely edible, it's hard to convince myself that I need chicken and zucchini instead.  So, I've been giving in.  A lot.  Luckily, lately, apples and oranges sound better to me than just about anything else.  (Except that in Alaska, fresh fruit prices are ridiculous!)

I did get my fetal doppler in the mail.  Super excited about that!  Unfortunately, since I *am* a fat girl, I haven't found Stormy's heartbeat yet.  I haven't freaked out assuming that something is wrong, so that's a win for me.  It just depresses me because I know if I were 25, 50, 100 pounds lighter, I'd be able to hear it by now.  So I try every couple days, and get myself into a funk because I'm a cow who can't hear my baby because I have so much fat.

Awesome, right?  ::rolling eyes::

Yeah, I know this whole post is a big downer, but it's either this or not update. LOL  So you get Debbie Downer today.

In other news, my next ultrasound is April 2.  Since Hubby can't make it - he's gotta go be a grown up and like, work or something - 1 of 4 is coming with me.  Nothing says sisterly bonding like an ultrasound, right? Right.

Unacceptable Behavior

So I learned last week that 1 of 4 has never seen Anne of Green Gables.  I KNOW!!! 

That means today, we are going to remedy that situation.  We're going over to Momma's house, and we're going to eat brie and drink sparkling cider and watch it.  Woot!!

I simply adore this movie.  I adore the books.  I adore everything about it.  I'm telling you, the movie ranks up there with Grease, Oklahoma, The King and I, and Newsies.  True story.  It's kind of a big deal. (Disclaimer:  Only the one with Megan Follows as Anne.  Ignore the rest of them.)

And the books!  Ooh the books.  They're fabulous!!!  If you have a nook, you need to go download them RIGHT NOW.  It's only 99cents, and you get the entire series.  All of the books.  1500 pages of fabulous. 

Did you download it?  Then quit reading this, and go read them!! 

Hey look! Another 2-for-1 day!

Had my u/s today.  :)  Here's an update and a squee!

Doc just about gave me a heart attack. He couldn't find anything on the internal, so he hadn't turned the screen towards me or anything. After a few seconds of a terrifyingly concerned look on his face, he says "did you empty your bladder? I just can't see anything this way. We're gonna have to go on the belly." So, he broke out the abdominal u/s wand thingie and started prodding on my gut. Luckily, he found Stormy pretty quick, and I was able to breathe again. (in all fairness I had totally peed in a cup not 20 minutes before. But apparently 1 full liter of water before 11:30am will make you pee every 15 minutes or so. LOL)

Between me being a chunky monkey, my bladder being too full and in the way, and Stormy moving around, Doc was having a hard time getting measurements. The first few he got were coming up as 8w2d and 8w4d. (I'm almost 10w.) Finally I sucked it in enough, and he was able to get a good measurement, right at 9w4 or 5d. He just kinda held the u/s over Stormy for a minute and let me see him flopping all around. He was putting on a show, I'm telling you! Flapping his little arms and wiggling all around. Such a cute little lima bean! :D

The clot has shrank just a bit. But I'll take it! It went from "2 down to about 1.7." Not sure the unit of measurement, he didn't tell me. But 1.7 is better than 2, so I'm good!

I go back 4/2 for another checkup. I'll be exactly 12w! Holy crap am I glad to be almost into 2nd tri! LOL

And for my squee: I just ordered my doppler! :D This was me and DH's compromise. It was important to him to not get any of the optional 1st tri screenings, and it was important to me to be able to hear Stormy whenever I had some crazy I needed to get rid of (read: every day). So no NT scan, but Momma gets a doppler. Woot!! :) Since I am almost 10w now, I'm hoping I'll be able to hear him by the time it gets here. Everything takes stupid long to ship to AK, so we'll see how it goes.

Overall, a great day!

Sorry guys!

I know it's been like a week since I updated.  But frankly, it's been a really easy week.  Which is somewhat terrifying since no week in this pregnancy has screamed "easy" to me. LOL  I did ask the doc to change my meds last week, so I think that has a lot to do with the lack of drama right now.  This new med doesn't seem to hate me as much as the last one did.

Also, I have another ultrasound today.  Yay!  I'm going back and forth between being super excited and super scared.  I'm excited right now, though.  I think. LOL  Hopefully this clot will be gone and I will be allowed on the elliptical again.  He already said I could exercise as long as I keep my heart rate below 150.  But that was before the clot, and before I was banned from even coughing and sneezing. 

I have GOT to get my eating back under control, too.  It's getting back to super fat kid proportions.  It's embarassing, really.  But all I want out of life is stuffed crust pizza and Kraft mac and cheese.  I did some shopping the other day and got some more healthy options.  I bought a big bag of oranges that are AMAZING.  OMG so stinking good.  I also got some healthier breakfast stuff, and I discovered I still have a bunch of almonds that I forgot about.  I am not cutting pasta out because it's one of the things that makes me not want to hurl on myself.  But I did get Dreamfields brand, and Jennie-O 99% fat free ground turkey.  Really, it's going to be a matter of re-training myself to eat healthier.  And not as stinking much as I have been.  ::shaking head::

Anyway, that's about all I've got for now.  I promise I will make an effort to keep this updated more often!

Because this pregnancy hasn't had quite enough drama yet...

Fair warning, there's talk of TMI things, like cervixes and uteruses (uteri?) and internal ultrasounds and such.

Last night after work, I went to the bathroom before my therapy appointment. There was red blood...and clots. I freaked right the crap out. I texted my sister and friend (they're my go-to freak out people!) and decided to go to therapy. I went and dumped out my crazy in her office. Was still bleeding when I was done. I went home, and calmly as I could, told my husband what was happening. We mutually decided not to go to the ER because they're just gonna tell me either "sorry for ya" or "go put your feet up." So, I put my feet up.

Went to the doc this morning.  So, I'm laying on the bed, wand shoved up my girlie bits, staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at the u/s screen... until I hear a heartbeat echoing throughout the room. Doc said "Well that sounds great!" That's right, Little Bit has a heartbeat of 171, and s/he's measuring perfectly - which technically is a couple days ahead since I o'ed later in my cycle! S/he's measuring perfectly with my LMP.

The blood was/is coming from a clot just above my cervix. Doc said if it was pretty much anywhere else, I probably wouldn't have even known about it. He said I am not out of the woods yet, and it may still cause a problem. if it starts irritating the uterus, the uterus can contract and start expelling blood - and everything else in there. That's bad. But, it could also just break up on its own and get reabsorbed into my body. Or it could just sit there and be something to keep an eye on. He also said the placenta is pretty much exactly opposite of my cervix, which is a good thing. However, part of it has attached over my fibroid. Not the best place for it, but it's just one more thing to keep an eye on.

I'm supposed to "keep taking it easy" like I'm already doing, and try not to jostle around too much. No jogging, etc. We want to make sure the clot doesn't irritate my uterus, basically. He said no bedrest, since my cervix looks great. Long and closed. Just be careful. There's nothing more I can do / not do that I'm not already doing / not doing.

So, moral of the story is this: I really need to quit giving up on this kid. Also, just as soon as s/he's out, s/he's GROUNDED! LOL

Also, isn't s/he cute?? LOL