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I'm pretty blue the last couple of days.  Blue kinda sucks, actually.

It seems like some people expect me to be glitter farts and rainbows about this pregnancy.  Sorry guys, that ship sailed back in November.  Sure, I'm excited to be pregnant, but I also know that just because I'm pregnant today doesn't mean I will be next week.  Sure the odds of a m/c decrease every week, but they never hit zero.  Know why?  Crap happens.  So just because I don't squee every day about "zomg I'm totally decorating the nursery today!!!11" doesn't mean I'm not excited.  I just know that until I'm holding a healthy newborn in my arms, being pregnant is no guarantee.  I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

If you've looked at my pics on the other tab, you know I'm still a fat girl.  Not as fat as I used to be, but still fat.  I'm very proud of my progress so far.  However, since finding out I'm pregnant, I've allowed my eating habits to go back to the way they used to be.  Not proud of it, but there it is.  So, that means I've put on about 10 pounds since the beginning of February.  There was an off-hand innocent comment made the other day that really got to me.  I'm not going to go into detail, but it really depressed me about what I'm eating.  Which made me want to eat more because I have a screwed up relationship with food. LOL  I swear I am trying.  But when bleeding macaroni (elbow noodles and tomato sauce) with mozzarella cheese is the absolute only thing that sounds even remotely edible, it's hard to convince myself that I need chicken and zucchini instead.  So, I've been giving in.  A lot.  Luckily, lately, apples and oranges sound better to me than just about anything else.  (Except that in Alaska, fresh fruit prices are ridiculous!)

I did get my fetal doppler in the mail.  Super excited about that!  Unfortunately, since I *am* a fat girl, I haven't found Stormy's heartbeat yet.  I haven't freaked out assuming that something is wrong, so that's a win for me.  It just depresses me because I know if I were 25, 50, 100 pounds lighter, I'd be able to hear it by now.  So I try every couple days, and get myself into a funk because I'm a cow who can't hear my baby because I have so much fat.

Awesome, right?  ::rolling eyes::

Yeah, I know this whole post is a big downer, but it's either this or not update. LOL  So you get Debbie Downer today.

In other news, my next ultrasound is April 2.  Since Hubby can't make it - he's gotta go be a grown up and like, work or something - 1 of 4 is coming with me.  Nothing says sisterly bonding like an ultrasound, right? Right.