Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My husband wins at life.

Last night was our 8 year anniversary.  He told me that the ring would be in yesterday, and he'd go get it after work.  Well, the manager had put it in her safe and left for the day.  Haglet.  So I told him (laughing) that he should go get it on his lunch hour and bring it to me at work.


So, my ring is fabulous.  it's 1/2 carat black diamond set in 10 carat white gold.  I'm almost as in love with my ring as I am with him.  True story.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Happy Anniversary!

Eight years ago today, I walked down the aisle and said I do to my super hardcore awesome hubby.  Best.  Decision.  Ever.  True story.

Life has definitely not turned out the way I planned it though.  If everything went according to MY plan, we would have at least 3 or 4 kids by now, the oldest being about 7 years old.  We would so totally not live in Alaska, and I'd be a little Suzie Homemaker with a frilly apron baking cookies. 

Instead, we do live in Alaska, we both have great jobs, brand new cars, and we take vacations at least once a year.  We can be spontaneous.  If we feel like going somewhere, we can just get up and do it. 
So while my life has not turned out the way I planned it, it's been a pretty amazing 8 years. 

While I don't have any kids (yet) I am thankful for all the time that me and the husband have been able to spend together.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Yay for vacation!

This is my last week at work before my two week vacation to visit family!  Yay!  I am *so* ready for a vacation.  I'll miss my hubby hardcore, but it will be good to see my big crazy family again.

Things are going to be a bit different this go round though.  Usually, I vacation around food.  Olive Garden when we leave the airport after we land, then Sonic every day I'm in my hometown.  No, I'm not kidding. My usual meal from sonic is just under 1400 calories.  !!!!!  My daily budget right now is just over 1900 calories.  Holy.  Crap.  I'll hit Fazoli's, too.  And snag a Chili Cheese Burrito (or 5) from Taco Bell.  They don't sell those up here anymore, and they are SO STINKING YUMMY.  Then at some point, a trip to my absolute favorite restaurant ever, which is about an hour away from my hometown.  It's all good old fashioned southern cooking.  Chicken and dumplings, chicken fried steak, ham slices the size of your head.   Then of course, Olive Garden on the way back to the airport.  This time though, I have way more willpower than I did last time I was there, and my sister Cat will be there to help me along.  She's dropped over 50 pounds herself, so she'll help keep me accountable.  I'm not going to completely avoid these places.  I just won't be there every single day, and I'll make smarter choices when I do go. 

Now, I work out every M-W-F-Sa morning.  I'll be two entire weeks without my gym.  Once again, Cat to the resue.  Her and her hubby do Beach Body workouts.   I'm really looking forward to doing those with them.  I think it'll be really good for me to do someting totally different than I'm used to.  Especially since I've been sitting at the same weight for two weeks.  I'm fearing this is the beginning of a plateau, and I'd much rather bust through it before it really takes hold.  I know two weeks does not a plateau make, but I'd really just rather prevent one if possible. :)

Saturday, November 26, 2011

This is why my husband is awesome.

Heads up before I start, this is a long post.  And it's pretty personal, full of TMI and somewhat depressing.  So if you're looking for glitter farts and rainbows today, you may want to just go ahead and jump on to the end, and skip my sad story. 

Now that that's out of the way, here we go.  As I'm sure you have guessed if you look at my favorite links, me and the husband have recently suffered a miscarriage.  Recently being November 2.  Here's the full story. 

I went off the pill in March of 2004.  I had put on 60 pounds in the 7 months I was on it.  So when my period didn't come after the usual month or so, I wasn't terribly stressed.  Excited even!  Maybe I was pregnant right off the bat!  After all, two of my sisters just had to look at their men to get pregnant, so surely it would be that easy for me, too, right?  Kept getting negative tests.  Two months went by, still nothing.  Three months.  We were poor, so I never went to the doc. 

We moved back to Alaska in July of 2004.  When we got up here, I finally got my period.  Yay!  But only once.  Saw a doc, and he put me on meds to bring on my period.  Then I had to keep going back to get the meds because I wouldn't start on my own.  Around 2006, I did a few rounds of Clomid since I obviously wasn't ovulating.  Nothing.

Finally in 2007, I changed doctors.  She kept telling me I was just too fat.  (I had gone from 190 in 2003 to 310 in 2007.)  Every time I saw her, she told me "if you just lose 20 or 30 pounds, your body will probably restart itself."  She ignored the fact that my periods have always, always been wonky, irregular, and horrifically painful.  I was just too fat.  I quit seeing doctors all together.  If she's just going to tell me I'm fat, I can look in the mirror and tell myself that for free.

So, if you're keeping track, it's now 2011.  I haven't had more than 3 non-medication-induced periods since 2004. 

This brings us to March 2011, that day I stepped on Doc's scale and it said 324.  Sure enough, 30 pounds later, my periods came back.  I hate that the hateful doctor was right, but I'm super glad that the baby factory started working again.  Yay!

In August 2011, we got serious about TTC.  (TTC = trying to conceive)  I was keeping track of timing, and symptoms, using ovulation predictor tests and such. 

On October 24, 2011, I took a pregnancy test, and saw those two beautiful lines.  I was pregnant!  After 7 and a half years, two doctors, and 60 pounds, I was pregnant! 

On October 31, I started spotting.  Friends and family assured me some spotting was normal.  Lots of women spot and still have happy, healthy take home babies. 

On November 1, the spotting got worse.  I went ahead and went to work, and the spotting was just off and on all day.  Friends and family were still optimistic, but I knew what was happening.  I was losing my baby.  I tried to call the doctor (different doc than the one who told me I was just fat), but they were already closed. 

November 2, I got a hold of the doc's office as soon as they opened.  The girl who answered the phone suggested I go ahead and go to the ER to get checked out.  There, blood tests confirmed my HCG was at 41.  I was supposed to be 6 weeks along.  I called my husband, and he came home from work, and we layed around the house all day.  We were both kind of shell shocked, and were trying to process it.  That night, the cramping started.  I'll spare you the gory details (and yes, it was pretty gory) and just say around 2:30, the worst part was over, physically.  I went to work the next day, but only lasted half a day.

Now, it's been almost a full month.  We're both doing ok.  Hubby's 'ok' being better than my 'ok' to be perfectly honest.  Some days are worse than others, but for the most part, we're ok. 

This brings us to last night, and why my husband is awesome.  (Enter glitter farts and rainbows.)

I got a 25% off total purchase at Coach coupon in the mail.  I LOVE Coach.  Love, love, love Coach.  So, I went to browse the online store, and found a bag I love.  I asked hubby if I could have it.  He said no, and listed a few logical, perfectly understandable reasons why it wasn't a good idea. 

It just made me mad.  As much as I hate to admit it, my whole existence still pretty much revolves around the fact that I lost my baby.  Every single thing I do, or place I go, reminds me.  Last time I wore that shirt, I was pregnant.  Last time I went to Target, I was pregnant.  Last time we ordered pizza from this place was the day I found out I lost the baby.  Everything.  I've had a rough month, dang it. I want a Coach bag.  I lost my baby, the one we tried for for over 7 years.  I deserve an expensive purse.  I vented this all to poor hubby, and he just kind of stared at me.  Then he says, "I bought you the ring." 

Now, let me tell you about my ring.  I've been ogling black diamond rings from Zales since my original wedding set got too big for my ring finger.  I'm in love with black diamonds.  They're sparkly and pretty and unique, and I love them.  I've been sending him oh-so-subtle hints for months upon months.  And he knew how hard of a time I was having, and how badly I wanted this ring, and he bought it.  He knows that gifts are my Love Language, and how gifts comfort me more than talking or hugs, or whatever.  (Call me shallow, but there it is.) 

So, to recap:  I'm still psycho and neurotic about the miscarriage, and hubby loves me and buys me things to make me feel better.  I love him, and I love how he gets me. :D

Friday, November 25, 2011

Holiday Ramblings

In my world, today starts the Christmas season.  I do my best to keep the Christmas obsession to a minimum from Halloween to Thanksgiving.  But the day after Thanksgiving, all bets are off.  It's Christmas from now until New Years. 

No, that doesn't mean I went Black Friday shopping.  My hubby did.  I don't deal with that foolishness.  There are stories of grown adult women choking a 12 or 13 year old girl in Walmart this morning in my hometown because the little girl got to something before the adult did.  Really?  Is that stupid TV worth that much to you?  For shame!

In other news, I did work out at home today.  Didn't want to, and it took a lot of willpower and self control to not just sit here in front of my computer and veg.  I REALLY wanted to veg.  But I did 20 minutes on my trampoline holding 3 pound dumbbells in each hand, then another 20 minutes on my elliptical.  Logged almost 600 calories burned.  Woot. :)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

And now, my confession for the day.

Today, like most of the rest of the country, I ate too much.  But you know what?  It's once a year.  Also, I stayed within my maintenance mode calories that Lose It recommends, so I'm calling it a win.  That also gave me pause as I was logging all of the foods I was stuffing into my face...I consumed fewer calories today than I did on a normal day this time last year.  On a regular basis, I was consuming over 3,000 calories a day.  Per.  Day.  Today, I consumed just under 2600.  Now, 400 calories may not be a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, but I was eating this much every day.  Now that makes me want to hurl just thinking about it! LOL

I accept that I ate a lot today.  But you know what?  Losing weight and getting healthy isn't about a diet.  It's about a lifestyle change.  And Thanksgiving is part of lifestyle.  Sure, I could sit in a corner with a Lean Cuisine or something, but what kind of life would that be?  Not one I'd willingly want any part of!  So yes, I gorged today.  But it's just today.  Tomorrow, I'm back to my calorie budget, back to my workouts, and back to my new lifestyle.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Yoda was a genius, and other random things

You know, Yoda was kind of a genius.  Ok, so he was a lot of a genius, but that's not the point.  Point is, my quote to live by is a Yoda quote.  Ready?

"Do or do not.  There is no try."

I love it.  It's so...motivational.  If you're going to do something, do it.  Don't waffle around saying "oh, I'll give it a try."  "Oh, I'll try to do it."  No, you won't.  You will do it, or you won't.  You don't look at your goals and say "I'm going to try to be able to do 10 pushups in a row this time next month."  If you go into it with that attitude, you're giving yourself permission to fail.  If you're going to give yourself permission to fail, what's the point?

In other news, here in America, it's the day before Thanksgiving.  So, I'm going to list a few things I'm thankful for.  Oh quit moaning, I promise to keep it short.  I am thankful for:
  • My super hardcore awesome hubby.  We've had a very emotionally draining month (which is a post for another day) and he has been there for me like never before.  He deals with my crazy mood swings, my anger, my apathy, and my grief.  Either that or he's afraid of me when I go all bat crap crazy and he just wants to prevent that from happening.  Either way, he's hardcore awesome and I superhero love him.

  • My super awesome family.  They've supported me these past few weeks when I needed it.  Not that that's a new development.  They've always been there for me, and I got a feeling they always will be.  :D

  • My gym.  I love Planet Fitness.  I love that it's just a mile or two from my house.  I love that it's brand new, so doesn't smell all funky like.  I love that there's only 10 people there when me and Kristi go in the mornings. 

  • My job.  I know that in this economy today, I am very lucky to have a job, much less one I really enjoy.  I really like the people I work with, and I really like the work that I do.  The company I work for is great, and I'm just very lucky to have my job.

  • My stuff.  I know that sounds super shallow, but just hear me out.  I am very thankful for the fact that we can afford the stuff we have.  Not everyone can.  I am very lucky to have a husband who is MUCH better at budgeting than I am.  And going back to the job thing, we both are lucky enough to have good jobs.  I am very thankful for that.

All in all, I am very, very blessed.  I am thankful for so many more things, but I promised I'd keep it short.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Aw, hey look! A blog!

So yes, I caved to peer pressure.  My sister Cat started a blog.  She obviously forwarded the link to her super awesome sisters.  Then my sister Kristi decided we should all have blogs!  Yay for blogs!

Their blog is all about fitness, weight loss, and health in general.  Mine will be more focused on the "and happy" part of fit and happy, I think.  Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm gonna log on here and blog about whatever pops into my head, so there's really no telling what manner of shenanigans will occur.  Just saying.

A bit about me?  Oh, fine. I'm 27 years old, and I've been married for 8 years.  Back in March, 2011, I was diagnosed with sarcoidosis.  Doc did a CT scan and found swollen lymphnodes on my lungs.  Makes breathing somewhat difficult.  Breathing is important to me.  The fact that I weighed 324 pounds didn't help matters much.  And no, that wasn't a typo.  I stepped on Doc's scale and almost cried right there in his office.  How was that even possible?  I don't eat *that* much, do I??  I mean, I know I don't exercise or anything, and I do love me some carbs.  But seriously???  I downloaded the Lose It app on my iPhone that day.  Right then, actually, waiting for Doc to come in and chat with me.  Once I logged all my food for the day, I saw I had eaten over 3,000 calories.  In one day.  O_o  I got home, and saw that Lose It now had a fully functioning website!  Woot!  Lose It is a super fabulous calorie counting website.  There's no specific diet, there's no banned foods.  You tell it how much you weigh, how tall you are, your sex, your goal weight, and how much you want to lose a week, and it gives you  a calorie budget.  It's FABULOUS.  Go download it right now.  Except for you skinny people.  You skinny people go eat a cookie or something.

I lost weight pretty quickly, to be honest.  Then again, I weighed like 8,000 pounds too, so walking to my car was enough to get my heart rate up.  Then I added in real exercise.  I went to Zumba with Kristi, I did some workout videos at home.  Downloaded some weight routines from the interwebs, bought a trampoline.  And, since my husband is superhero awesome, he bought me an elliptical machine.  Right!?  So I used that a lot too.  Today, 8 months after downloading Lose It in Doc's office, I am down 61 pounds.  All with actual diet and actual exercise.  Eating real foods, including junk foods!

Best feeling ever:  when the hubby and I went on vacation in August, I didn't need a seat belt extender!!  The belt was tight enough across my gut that I didn't breathe for the entire 5 hour flight, but that's so totally not the point!  I didn't need an extender!  Yay!  I'm headed down south to visit some family here in a couple weeks, so I'm actually excited about squeezing myself into an airline seat just to see how differently I fit this time. LOL

I have a lot more going on in my head, but that's for another post, I think.  For now, I have to go to work.  And I think they'd be mad at me if I go strolling in rocking my I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-haven't-washed-my-hair look.  Some people can pull it off, but me?  Not so much.  Plus that whole professional office attire thing.  ::shrug:: Some people are so picky! :D