Saturday, January 7, 2012

And now, let's get personal.

Today, we're going to chat about a taboo topic.  ::GASP::

Miscarriage and pregnancy loss. 

As you know (or will know if you read back a few posts) this is a subject kind of personal to me, seeing as how I'm just coming off a miscarriage of my own.  While my family and friends were supportive and amazing, I still felt kind of alone.  Why was this happening to me?  Women have healthy babies every day.  Why me?  Why am I such a freak that I can't carry a baby?  Then I did some research.

According to The American Pregnancy Association, here's some stats on m/c and pregnancy loss:

There are approximately 6 million pregnancies every year throughout the United States:

4,058,000 live births
1,995,840 pregnancy losses

Wait what?  1,995,840 pregnancy losses??  That's right.  This is a common occurance, as sad as it is.  Why don't you hear more about it? 

I understand that the road to a baby is a very private, personal journey.  But what about when there's a bump - or a roadblock, minor detour, or the whole stinking road just got ripped up? 

There are awareness walks and events for all forms of cancer, for MS, for all manner of other diseases.  As well there should be.  But what about infertility, miscarriage, and pregnancy loss?  Where's the awareness for that?  It happens, and it sucks.  A lot.   There is an organization that is trying to bring infertility more into the spotlight.  Resolve is the National Infertility Association.  It's a great resource if you or someone you know are dealing with infertility.

Now that I've said all that, let me be clear...THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD GO ASK SOMEONE ABOUT THEIR REPRODUCTIVE PLANS.  Ever.  Unless a woman is physically giving birth in front of you at that moment, do not ask if she is - or when she plans to become - pregnant.   Just don't do it.  While yes, the subject of infertility and pregnancy loss as a whole shouldn't be taboo, a person's journey is none of your business until they bring it up.  That couple you ask when they're going to have kids could have just been to the doctor for her D&C after a missed m/c.  That woman you ask if she wants to have kids could be going though infertility treatments because she can't get pregnant.  I can tell you from personal experience that when people ask your plans for children when it's all you want out of life but just can't get pregnant, it rips your heart out.   

So please, be available if one of your friends or family comes to you for support.  Do research on helping someone through their rough time.  Look up helpful things to say/do.  Look up what not to say/do.  Don't be afraid to ask more questions, once the subject has already been brought up.


  1. Love this post, sis. Maybe you can organize an awareness walk/run. I would walk with you. Or run, even :)

  2. Well said love! Also there is march for dimes that help find research for a rainbow of things. I posted a link to my story since we loss our son at 23weeks. It can happen after 12 weeks and people don't realize that it can.

  3. The local hospital has a walk for loss of a child, including miscarriages, each year. You and I will do it this fall. I know we discussed doing it for me last year, but now we'll do it for both of us. I hate that we have been through this, but maybe we can help each other heal. And maybe Cat is right. Maybe we SHOULD organize a walk/run or something!

    Also, I know you sick of hearing this but...

    (((HUGS))) Love you!

  4. Even through your hard time, you think of how to help others. Organizing a local group is a wonderful idea.

  5. Ashley, I so admire you and what you are doing. I think I told you but, I have had 3 miscarriages. I could never understand why some women could get pregnant and some of them not even want the baby. And here we were wanting a baby so bad. It just wasn't fair.

    I wished that there would have been an organization around when I was going through this. It would have helped alot. It seems like when it happens to you, no one wants to talk about it. They don't know what to say to you.

    Remember that God has a plan for you and Cris. It may not be in your time but, His time. I just want you to know that I have been thinking about you lately. And if there is anything I can do let me know. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

    Love ya,
    Deborah Hunter