Ultrasound Results!

Great news!  Little Bit has a heartbeat!!  Doc measured it twice.  Once was 103, once was 109.  A tad low, but since I'm still early, he's ok with it.  My official due date is 10/12/12.  But, by those calculations, I'm measuring a few days behind.  Which would put it exactly where I know my due date is based on when I ovulated.  But whatever.  I'll stick with what doc says for now.  It'll move around a lot, I'm sure. :)

I go back in two weeks for another u/s since I have had a loss before. He likes to see his PGAL (pregnant after a loss) ladies more often than his non-loss ladies. 

So, I'd like to introduce you to Little Bit, the cutest little blob ever! LOL

Today is the day!

I have my first scheduled ultrasound in about 45 minutes.  I am an absolute nervous wreck!  I did end up having one in the ER when I went last weekend (no, not the weekend that just ended) and everything looked fine then, but I know a lot can happen in a week. 

In this case, no news will be good news.  If all goes well, I'll be headed straight to work after my appointment.  If all does not go well, I'll come home.  So, hopefully I won't be able to update until later tonight after work!

I think I'm going to hurl. LOL

Charmed is making me stabby

Spoiler alert for anybody who hasn't seen the last season, and is still planning on it!

So I've been watching the series Charmed off and on on Netflix. I've finally made it to the last season. I just finished the episode where Phoebe finds out she's pregnant with Dex's baby. She took a test in the morning, was talking about how her "boobs feel enormous, and all she wants to do is eat all of this (Halloween) candy." Then she takes another test the next day (or later that day - sometimes the timelines are wonky) and tells her sister "I took another test. I guess the first one was wrong."

No, I'm sorry, it wasn't. She had a chemical pregnancy. Why can't they just SAY that instead of playing the false positive game, which is SOOO much less prevalent than loss? As I've stated before, some statistics put 50% of all pregnancies - whether the woman knows she is pregnant or not - ending in a miscarriage.  HALF.  Do you know what the odds are of a false positive pregnancy test?  When a home pregnancy test is used correctly, it is 97% effective.  That's right.  So, barring any fertility treatments (which the character was not undergoing) or any medication that would contain HCG, there is only a 3% chance that the test was defective and showed a false positive.  Seriously, writers?? Seriously??

It would have been such a great opportunity to bring loss to the spotlight and let people know it's ok, and not their fault when they go through it! But noooo, they had to just go right ahead and help sweep it back under the rug. And trying to make it sound like false positives happen on a regular basis!

Ok, random vent over. Thanks for listening! :)

some random thoughts.

I really do miss working out.  I feel weak, and gross, and lazy.  I really want Doc to at least clear me for walking or using my elliptical come Monday.  True story.

Things have slowed down, pregnancy-wise, since this weekend.  No more drama.  Yay!  Like I've said, my first scheduled appointment is Monday.  Knock on wood everything keeps going smooth.  We should be able to at least see, if not hear, a heartbeat by then.  Woot!

Not gonna lie, my eating habits have gone to crap since I found out I'm pregnant.  So, when I jumped on the scale this morning, I really expected to see at least a few pound gain.  Nope!  257.  Yay!!  I know that doesn't mean I can go out and eat anything and everything I want.  I need now, more than ever, to keep a healthy nutritional lifestyle.  It's not just me I'm thinking about now!  I just wish I would crave vegetables instead of Italian Chicken Sandwiches and that amazing noodle dish from the Chinese place down the street. LOL

Laziest. Day. Ever.

Per doc's orders, I did absolutely nothing today.  Seriously.  The most productive thing I did was, well, refill my water glass a few times.  I laid on the couch and watched stupid reality TV and movies all day.

It was kind of fabulous.

But really, I miss working out.  I miss my exercise.  I miss having all that energy I used to have.  Yes, I know that light exercise during pregnancy is a good thing, and recommended.  But I'm still just so scared.  Especially after yesterday's debacle.  Maybe once my doc sees me and clears me for it. 

Kristi and I are going to check out the room that we have sorted out for the RESOLVE meeting tomorrow.  I'm so excited that this is getting off the ground!!  There is definitely a need, and I'm glad that I could do something to bring this about.  Hoping that this pregnancy sticks, I may talk to RESOLVE about maybe starting a Pregnant After Infertility group that the General Infertility group can 'graduate' to or something.  I haven't really thought that far ahead though.

Anyway, that's all I have now.  Thanks for stopping by!

Had quite a scare this morning...(may be a tad TMI)

This morning I woke up to spotting. I obviously freaked the crap out, given that this is exactly, to the day, when my heavy spotting started last time. So after about 20 minutes, DH and I decided to go in.

I was put in the same room, with the same doctor as last time. ::headdesk:: Bless the nurse's heart, she tried three times in both arms, but could not get the IV line in. They start one just in case you need an IV later. I ended up not needing one, so they just drew blood instead. But now I look like a junky who just got done shooting up.

Doc came in and did the exam, and he said the bleeding was coming from the friable tissue on my cervix, not through the hole in the cervix! Yay!!! Then he came back with HCG results...12,726!!! Wednesday it was 8,429!

He sent me back for an ultrasound, where I saw a gestational sac and a yolk sac measuring 5w4d, and it's in my ute! Not a tube or anything! There was no fetal pole yet, but he said it's still early enough that that's not an issue.

So, he sent me away diagnosed with a "threatened miscarriage...but I really think it's just the tissue on your cervix." I"m on pelvic rest, and I have to drink lots and lots of fluids all weekend, and just take it easy in general. I asked him about the 125 hour doubling time for the HCG. He said given that it's increased by 50% or more since Wednesday, it's absolutely nothing to worry about.

Today, I am most definitely pregnant, and I love my baby!!!

I'm still here! ~UPDATED~

I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted.  I just haven't had anything spectacular going on. LOL  I am still pregnant (woot) and I go in for my third beta draw this morning. 

Since this is the week that I lost the baby last time, I'm kinda nervous.  I'm not bone-searing scared like I was last time, but the thought of a m/c does lurk in the back of my mind.  I'm hoping today's blood draw helps settle my mind a bit.  Now, since Monday is the day when I will be more pregnant that I have ever been, I am considering asking if I can go back in next week for one more blood draw.  When I go in for my ultrasound on 2/27, I just don't want to be surprised if something bad happens, ya know?  I'll talk to the nurse when I go in today.

In other fabulously ironic news, I got the final approval I needed for the meeting space for the RESOLVE group.  A week after I find out I'm pregnant.  LOL  We will meet in Alaska Regional, in the Physicians Conference Room on the 4th Saturday of every month from 3pm-4pm.  Kristi will be hosting it.  I'll do all the background stuff. 

I miss the gym.  I really, really do.  But I'm terrified to go back.  It was after the gym that I started spotting last time.  I know logically that the treadmill probably didn't really contribute to my m/c, but I still associate those two in my head.  So, I absolutely refuse to go until doc says I can.  And even then, I'll be a nervous wreck.  I'm still logging my foods though, and usually attempting to eat somewhat healthy.  I've logged a two pound weight loss since I found out I'm pregnant.  So there's that!

I promise I will try to update more often from now on!  But now I gotta go let the nice nurses stick a needle in my arm.

***UPDATE!***

Got the blood test results, and things look great!  HCG is at 8,429, and progesterone is 23.9.  (Doc likes it to be "up close to 20.")  One week ago, the HCG was at 534, so that puts it at a doubling time of 42 hours.  Woot!!  I may go back next week - nurse told me I could come back as often as I needed to for blood draws.  :)  First ultrasound is 2/27.  Just a week and a half!

An anniversary!

Not one of mine, silly!

My sister started her weight loss journey one year ago today.  She is truly an inspiration!  You should go read her blog.  Right now.  Seriously!  She's fabulous!  She is down an absurd number of inches, and 65 (66?) pounds.  Go sister!

Cat, you are amazing, and I hardcore love you.  True story!  Congrats on an amazing year!!

And I'm still pregnant!

Yay!  I went in and had blood drawn this week, and those results look good!  Monday, my HCG was at 206, and Wednesday it was 534.  Yay for doubling numbers!  There's not really a "range" that HCG is supposed to be, as long as it doubles in like 24-48 hours, from what I understand.  I mean, sure there is a range that they're looking for, but it's such a huge range that it doesn't really count.

So far, I'm feeling pretty good.  I'm absolutely exhausted, but that's about it. 

I haven't been back to the gym since I found out I'm pregnant though.  I'm terrified to go.  Yes, I know logically that you can do pretty much anything your body was already used to before you get pregnant, but that's not the point.  The point is, I'm scared to, and I'm not gonna do it.  So there. 

My first appointment is 2/27.  There will be an ultrasound involved, so we'll be able to at least see the heartbeat.  Not sure if I'll be far enough along to actually hear it yet. 

Please keep the thoughts and prayers coming!  Tomorrow is one week since I found out.  Last time, I started spotting one week after I found out.  I'm kinda nervous, but trying not to focus on it.



I have a secret...

So, yeah.  On Thursday afternoon, I was really itching for a hardcore, heart rate spiking, heavier weights lifting, real good workout.  On Friday morning, I woke up at 5:00 a.m. for the gym like I usually do.  Since I knew it was getting close to time for me to start my period, I went ahead and took a pregnancy test, just in case.

Yeah, it was postive.  O_o

Just barely though.  So, I went ahead and skipped the gym.  Because I'm addicted to peeing on things, I tested again Saturday morning.  It was still positive, but still pretty faint.  So I tested again Saturday afternoon.  Now it was very obviously positive.  And, just for good measure, I tested Sunday morning on a digital one.  You know the kind that either says "pregnant" or "not pregnant"?  Yeah that kind.  It says "pregnant"!!! 

Holy crap I'm pregnant again.

Yes, I am an absolute paranoid neruotic mess.  Yes, I'm a bit worried to do...well, anything really.  But honestly, I'm actually pretty calm.  The worry and neuroses don't go bone deep like they did last time.  I'm hoping this is a good sign!

NOW!  This part is very important!!!  We are not announcing on Facebook. So, if you have comments/well-wishes/advice/whatever, please keep it to either comments here on the blog, email, or private messages on FB or something.  Please keep it off of the public FB wall. 

The reason is this:  I am of the firm belief that miscarriage and pregnancy loss needs to NOT be a taboo topic anymore.  Unfortunately, the only way to do that is to talk about it.  That means announcing early in pregnancy, then unannouncing if something happens.  However, my husband doesn't want to go through that pain again.  Which I completely respect and understand.  Untelling people sucks.  A lot.  So, the Ashley-can-post-on-her-blog-but-we-will-keep-it-off-Facebook was our compromise.  So if I do get a message on my wall, please don't be offended when I delete it.

As far as the RESOLVE group goes, Kristi will be hosting instead of me.  Just because *I'm* pregnant doesn't mean there is any less of a need for a group in town.

OMG I'm pregnant.  I think I'm going to puke. LOL

Measurements!

Yeah, it's the first of the month again.  That means measurements day!  I'm not terribly impressed with myself this morning.  I gained a quarter of an inch in 3 places.  Overall inches lost this month was only 1.75.  I can do better than that.  Anyway, grand total loss since September is just over 23 inches, and I'm down a total of 65 pounds since March.  Woot.